Safe People
The biggest part of Aspergers and Autism is social struggles and dealing with the rest of the world around us. Beng around people can drain our social batteries and the type of situation and the people that are with us can impact the pace at which our social battery is drained. I recently learned a new term in the autism world, and it is "safe people". This term doesn't only refer to feeling physically safe around these people, though that is important, but also feeling emotionally and mentally safe around these people, especially when in social situations with them.
A "safe person" is usually a close family member or friend who currently knows us well and spends a lot of time with us on at least a semi-regular basis. They know our quirks and what impacts us and our brains in certain situations and they know how to defer attention away from us when we need a break in order to process and think. They know what signs to look for when they think we might be getting overwhelmed, and they make sure that we are okay and can interact at our own pace and not feel forced to do more than we can mentally handle. They don't judge us on our coping methods, and we feel free to be ourselves when we are with them. They take a portion of the social stress off of us when they are by our side, so that we can feel less stressed out in social situations. I am often in a mental fog in social situations, so it helps to have someone there that I can depend on to help me when I might miss a social cue because my brain is trying to process too much information from my surroundings and the people around me. Being with our "safe person" allows us to be in social situations for longer amounts of time and it means that we require less alone time later to recoup because our social battery wasn't drained as far and as quickly.
I have a few close friends who fit into this category of my "safe people". They know me well and they can compensate for my social short comings. Some of them are extroverts and like to talk a lot (or at least words and talking comes more naturally to them than it does to me), so they can keep a conversation going when I am struggling. Sometimes the kids that I babysit can also be "safe people", depending on the circumstance and the kid, because they can easily take attention off of me and other people pay more attention to them than to me. Sometimes a "safe person" can help recharge our social battery when we know that our battery is running low from other things that we just dealt with. I have had instances where I was in sensory overload, but being with a certain person, along with using some coping methods, I was able to get thru the overload and get back to feeling normal again, without having to spend hours alone. Sometimes we need alone time, but sometimes being with a safe person can be just as good in helping us recover and recharge, especially if being alone isn't a very good option at the moment.
Not feeling well can trigger sensory overload to happen faster. I experienced this before with motion sickness and headaches. When physically dealing with something like that and then you add on loud noises and/or bright lights, it can take a minor struggle and make it a major problem in no time flat. It took some quiet time to feel back to normal and I didn't have to be alone for this to happen. I just had to be with certain people who cared and understood and could talk quietly. Having earplugs and sunglasses also helps in those situations and I have started using them more frequently when I know that sensory overload is fast approaching or is already at hand. I can still hear and see with them, but it diminishes the light and sound so that it is more bearable until my brain and senses have sufficiently recovered and the motion sickness and/or headache is gone.
Having a safe person in our lives will make us more willing and able to socialize and go places. If we have someone with us that we know that we can depend on for support, then that makes life so much easier to deal with.