Psychological Trauma and PTSD

Recently I went thru some severe psychological trauma, and I have PTSD and other side effects from the trauma. I already had autism, but my PTSD makes it harder for me to hide or manage my autistic symptoms and function in the world the way that others do or even how I was able to before the trauma happened. I have been able to heal a lot already from where I was at the peak of the trauma, but I am still healing, and it is a hard realization that I will probably never be able to handle things as well as I could before the trauma happened. I can say this as much as I want, but I still find myself hoping that I will one day be fully recovered and be back to my old "normal" self, even though that will probably never happen.

I thought of a way to explain how the brain works in a way that most people will be able to understand. In the brain there are neuropathways and bridges. We can compare these to the roads and bridges that we travel on every day. Everyone has different types of roads in different areas of their brain. Where some people may have a 6-lane highway, others may have a two-lane road or a gravel road and vice versa. Some areas may only have a foot path, or no path at all, just a dense forest or a swamp with lots of sinkholes and mud. The different sizes of roads and their conditions impact how smoothly and quickly traffic flows and how much traffic/information can flow along these roads before a traffic jam happens, which would be something like sensory overload for people like me, or it could be other things in other people. These differences impact how our brains think and process things differently from each other.

Intersections can also be different, like a 4 way stop verses a roundabout, or a complicated interstate intersection with exit ramps going everywhere and interconnecting precisely where they need to with proper signage where needed and keeping traffic flowing at a good pace, without too much slow down. We all likely know of areas where the road conditions are not adequate for the traffic that travels on those roads, especially at certain times of the day, so we know to try to avoid those areas in order to not waste time sitting in traffic jams and not being able to accomplish our tasks quickly. Some parts of our brain are set up more like a small town that has a 25mph speed limit, while other parts are like the interstate that can have speed limits closer to 60mph or above.

When trauma happens, those roadways and bridges can be broken. Some bridges can be repaired temporarily by medication that helps hold those pathways together and bridge gaps that have been broken down. Sometimes these can help until the brain can heal, but sometimes they are a permanent fixture because the brain can't bridge those gaps anymore without the help of the medication. Some roads have to take temporary or permanent detours thru other roads because those bridges are too hard to repair quickly or even at all. Extra traffic on other roads that may not be prepared to handled the extra traffic can also slow down things and cause traffic jams. Some roads and bridges can be repaired over time, but it takes a lot of time and effort to rebuild those roads and bridges and in the meantime, traffic is extremely limited in those areas because of their conditions. Some bridges may be permanently out of commission and there hasn't been found a way to bridge the gap or make a usable detour.

At the peak of my trauma, my brain pathways were probably a lot like a war zone where bombs and explosives had greatly hindered my ability to do things with my brain. Even basic tasks were extremely hard or impossible, whereas they had been fairly easy beforehand. I have been used to pushing my way thru obstacles in my life, but this trauma was something that my brain couldn't just push thru anymore. The roads and bridges of my brain were broken in ways that they never had been before, and I need time and help to heal and learn how to function with my new brain structure and outages.

I am still learning how to heal and grow with my new mental limitations. Every day can be unpredictable, whereas my day-to-day life used to be very predictable. I know that not everyone will understand what I go thru every day with my life and brain, but it helps to know that people care and want to learn and help and try to understand without quickly judging me based on how their brain works or how their own personality handles life. God has sent people into my life that have been and will continue to be very helpful to me. He also does things in my life to guide me every day and I lean on that a lot.