Mental Energy
Every situation, social or solitary, takes mental energy from me. I need human connection and friendship, but the capacity of my brain limits the types and amounts of interactions that I can handle before overloads takes over and my brain shuts down. The amount of sensory input from different things and people has an impact on how much energy is needed to participate and the odds of me gaining anything out of the situation that will actually benefit me and replenish my mental energy or give me something else of value in my life. Also, the type of relationship that I have with the people around me impacts the outcome as well. If I have a support friend with me who is an emotionally safe person for me (someone that I don't have to put on a social front for and who can be the strong one for both of us) then my mental energy cost in that situation is reduced. This also means that if I am meeting a friend in a quiet place, like at home or in a car, the odds are different than if I was meeting them in public, like a restaurant or in a busy area. Everything around me impacts my odds and mental energy expenditure vs. anything that I gain from the situation. Some sensory things help me, while others hurt me. It is also best to remember that not every person has the same sensory needs, and those sensory needs can change depending on the situations.
Car rides give me something visual to stimulate my brain while not giving me social pressure to maintain eye contact and limit the amount of background noise. I have found that car rides are my best places for conversations and building friendships. They produce a calm and somewhat controlled environment, depending on who is in the car with me and what the traffic around me is producing as far as noise and unpredictability. Restaurants are very overwhelming to me because of the many people and noises and so much sensory information for my brain to process. It is hard for me to be able to focus on the people that I am actually with at the restaurant because my brain has trouble filtering out the background and other sensory information. I have to be mentally on alert so that I am mentally prepared in case anyone does approach me or talk to me. It isn't always the type of people and noise, but the amount of people and volume of the noise. Some days are harder than others to handle all that sensory information. When I am home alone is the only time that I am really allowed to let my brain completely relax. Even when I am with friends and/or family, my brain is on alert and I have learned that my brain can't handle too much time on alert without a long break, no matter how much I want to spend time with certain people.
Social situations are also different than work or "missions" that I have to accomplish. I do deliver catering for a restaurant, so I am in that restaurant regularly, but it is mostly before the restaurant opens, so no customers around, and I have a mission to accomplish, so I am there to accomplish that mission and then leave the premises. My jobs only require me to be in a place or building (besides my car) for a few minutes at a time, so I am there to accomplish the mission and then I can leave and relieve my brain and senses from the sensory input of that location. I also have headphones that I can use during my currier route and other personal errands to help with sensory overwhelm. Grocery shopping is easier when I don't have to hear every little thing around me, especially store music and register scanner beeps.
Store size and environment a factor when it comes to shopping. I am in Pet Smart for only a few minutes at a time for my job, so headphones help there and some of the employees know me from my frequent visits, so their smiles and nods of acknowledgements help me to feel more at ease as I get in and out quickly. Small talk is not necessary since they know why I am there. Aldi is a smaller store and has less sensory input than Walmart, so I can handle Aldi most days with headphones. Walmart has become more of an online option, where I can get things delivered, especially with shipping options. The stores are so big with so much going on that it is really stressful and anxiety inducing to go in person. Even going for an oil change means that I hide in the far corner of the waiting room with headphones on for the entire time, playing games on my phone, trying to block out all of the noises around me, especially those on the loudspeakers. Really small stores like Garners can have a very calming environment and I may not even need headphones there because of the white noise and calming nature sounds that they have there. There are also less people they and they are all calmer than in other stores because of the environment created in that store.
Different tasks require different amounts of mental energy. Even things that people consider simple, like taking a shower, getting dressed, or making a meal, have way more steps and transitions for us than what most people think about. Every step and transition takes mental energy and some days I just don't have enough mental energy to do all of the things that I really want to do, let alone socialize. Most days are just survival days or make up days from when I went over my allotment of mental energy that was available. I do as much as I can to accommodate myself without having to depend on anyone else around me. Having a support system would help me but building that support system by myself takes a ton of mental energy that I don't have available and there is no guarantee of success, so I can't justify the cost of mental energy that I don't currently have on something that may not work out in the end. I need to save my mental energy for the tasks that I need to do just to survive everyday life.
Some tasks require minimal mental energy, like text communication. Things that involve leaving the house require lots of mental energy, to prepare for different sensory input scenarios. There are things that I enjoy doing, like baking or crafts, that do end up taking up a lot of mental energy (steps and transitions), so I don't do those as often as I would like. There are household chores, like dirty dishes, that can stack up for a week before I have the mental energy to get them done. They don't take long once I do them, but the mental preparation for all of the transitions is a lot. My laundry has its own special process to cut down on steps and transitions, so that task doesn't fall behind very often, but not every task has a special process available to cut down on steps and transitions. Every task has a cost, and every interaction feels like a gamble where I am likely to lose everything as far as my mental energy while gaining hardly anything in return.