Introduction to My Aspie Life
I am writing about my own personal life experience so that others may read and benefit from it.
I have always felt like a bit of an outsider. Even from my earliest memories I have been a loner and I found my escape in reading books or organizing things for hours, sometimes in complete silence. I grew up in a large family, but only had one best friend in my teens and it seemed harder for me than it was for everyone else to build and especially maintain friendships. My siblings could go to camp and make friends easily in less than a week and could keep those friendships alive and active for years afterwards, but I was never able to form those kinds of friendships, at least not on the same level.
In college I made friends, but still felt different than everyone else. I would walk around campus after dark, just enjoying the solitude and observing the other students and their social behaviors. My study habits were also different than theirs. I was never one that could study for several hours to prepare for a test. Once or twice thru the notes and that was it. Any further studying would be a waste of time because my brain had absorbed its limit. My upbringing in a Christian family gave me the Bible information foundation that I needed in order to build upon and pass all of my classes. Without that foundation, I may not have done so well in college.
As an official adult, after college graduation, I still never fully felt like I was an equal adult with everyone else in social groups. I still felt inexperienced and like I wasn't as qualified to be an adult on their level, even when they are my own age. I have done many adulting things, like manage my own finances, hold down a steady job, buy houses and cars, get mortgages and loans, build an awesome credit score and history, etc. All of this still didn't help me in the social realm. I took personality tests to try to learn more about myself. They helped a bit, but still left me with a lot of questions about myself. I still felt out of place in most groups and didn't feel like I could be myself. I felt like I had to fit into what other people expected me to be and I was never sure of what that entailed.
A few years ago, some coworkers finally told me that I had Aspergers. They had known for a while but were afraid to tell me in case I would get offended, but I wasn't offended. It actually answered a lot of my questions about myself and knowing that I am an Aspie has changed my life for the better in many ways. I now know why God made me the way that He did and that I have many strengths to go along with my many weaknesses. I also know that I am not alone anymore. There are thousands of people on the autism spectrum and many of them go undiagnosed like I have for so long. I would be the same person whether self-diagnosed or doctor diagnosed and an official diagnosis at this point will not do anything for me that I can't get done with a self-diagnosis.
Aspies are different than neurotypical (NT) people. Our brains are wired differently, much like a different operating system. Trying to translate from Apple to android and back again is not always easy, which can help explain why we have so many struggles interacting with "normal" people. We have things that we will always struggle with, but we can find coping mechanisms to help up function in the world. We often do things that other people find strange or unique, but these are often things that allow us to cope with the stress of translating information from a bunch of people who have different operating systems than ourselves. Our brains deal with things on a daily basis that NTs have never dealt with, so we have to work really hard at certain things.
When I discovered that I was an Aspie, I did a lot of research on it, both in books and online. I also joined some autistic and Aspergers Facebook groups to learn from other people's personal experiences. I learned a lot about myself and about people like me. By the middle of 2020 I had left all of the groups except the Christian Autistic groups. Those were the ones where I felt the most connection. By 2021 I started getting more involved in the groups, especially one of them, and even joined the group chat in the discord messaging app. When we branched out to MeWe, the group chat feature further helped create a bond that I had never experienced before. I now have a group of people, most of them I have never met in person and most likely never will, that I have something special in common with. These people are where I feel like I truly fit in. I can both give and get help and advice and encouragement and prayer and understanding any time that I need, day or night. This group includes people from all over the globe, mostly USA and Australia, so no matter what time it is, someone is always there if you need to talk. We understand each other and our struggles better than most of the rest of the world ever will.
I also have had a couple of Aspie coworkers as well and because of our brain operating system setup, we understand each other very well and don't have the same problems with offending each other with our idiosyncrasies that I have experienced in the past with some of my former coworkers who were definitely NT. I also have some close friends who get to know me and my autistic traits by spending time with me and asking me questions that help them understand why I do what I do. Once things are explained, things seem to make logical sense, when they didn't before there was an explanation.
Since Aspergers is part of how our brain is wired, there is no cure that can make you "normal", but there is help and encouragement, especially among fellow Christian Aspies. Every Aspie or autistic person is different and unique, but we have a lot of things in common as well. If you feel like you can relate to my story or you are just interested in learning more on this topic, please feel free to do your own research or reach out to me with any questions. I would be very glad to help. Thank you for reading the intro to my story. Many more details and explanations will come in future posts, and I hope that you will enjoy and benefit from hearing about my life and perspective.