Being Heard and Understood and Respected
For most of my adult life I have struggled with people actually listening to me and treating me like I was an equal adult. I think it is because of my Aspie traits, especially my lack of social skills, that make them see me and treat me like a child or a lesser adult than themselves or others. I have had a former boss who treated me like I was on the same level as one of her teenage daughters, which was okay for a while because she treated me in an endearing way most of the time, but as I learned and matured, her view of me never changed. It wasn't until I transferred to a new store location and had a new boss that I discovered just how much my former boss had taken advantage of me in multiple ways and was never able to treat me as an adult. My new boss gave me that respect and courtesy and helped me to grow and mature even more. She taught me what I had been missing out on and just how valuable I am and how I should be treated. I have had a few other new bosses since then, but that first boss that gave me respect as an adult and treated me well, is still a friend and counselor when I need her. She hears and understands me in ways that most people don't.
My brain comes up with lots of ideas, but I am not an influential person, so most of my ideas go nowhere if they require more people than myself to accomplish it. I don't have the personality to get people on board with my ideas. It took several years for people at my work to see the worth of my ideas. They took my ideas seriously after a while, but for a long time I was overlooked. I would make suggestions, and no one would care or listen. Then, a few years later, someone else in a different department and location would make the same suggestion and the whole process for all of our stores would change in a short amount of time. The idea worked, but it had to come from someone who they would actually listen to. The same boss that I mentioned before who gave me the respect of an equal adult was probably also the first one that saw my value in this area. She knew that my brain was good at problem solving, so she would come to me for advice on how to handle something that was in my department. She knew that I saw things from a different perspective than others, especially management, because I was in the middle of the situation, and she would take my thoughts and opinions seriously. I think that her treating me this way started making it so that other people in the ministry also saw my value in this area. They didn't come to me with the same questions that she did, but they would listen to my suggestions, when I made them.
It is fairly common for Aspies to feel different and left out and misunderstood by the people around us because of how our brains work differently than the people around us. They see us in different ways, depending on our personalities, whether it be a goofy personality that is overcompensating for the anxiety and depression that the person is dealing with, or the quiet person who doesn't talk much but is always watching and listening and taking in everything around them (some of us make great listeners for those who need someone to spill their guts to), etc. Sometimes, who we are isn't always easily seen by those around us and sometimes what they see and perceive about us is either something they don't fully understand, or it is something that they don't want to understand. Sometimes what they see makes them care deeply about us and want to take us under their wing for protection, but other times it makes them scared of what they don't understand, and they avoid us or only include us in a few things out of pity to make it not so obvious that they are avoiding us overall. We just want people to take us seriously and to listen to us and actually hear us, instead of just dismissing us or humoring us out of pity. It is very helpful when people actually listen to us and take our opinions and perspectives seriously. Our unique brains may be able to show you something special that you would not see otherwise, so we do have value if you take the time to get to know us. We are just looking for the same courtesy and respect and understanding that is given to all the other adults around us.
These posts have changed a lot in how people see and understand me because I have been able to explain myself and my thoughts and struggles in a way that people can understand, but for a long time I couldn't figure out how to explain myself in words and many other Aspies still can't and may never figure out how to tell the world what is going on in their brain. Being able to write down my thoughts and struggles and have others read them has really helped people to understand me and I have noticed a change in a few areas of how people treat me because they understand me on a new level now. Some Aspies don't know how to explain themselves and they go thru life being misunderstood, like I have in the past and sometimes still do because not everyone in my life has read my posts and/or understands me and my brain.