Aspies and Independence

Because a common trait of Aspies is social awkwardness, this makes adult life seem really hard, especially moving out of their parent's house and living independently. We are already bad at social cues and so if we are not taught how to handle things that all adults have to deal with, we have no confidence in ourselves and our ability to be able to master the world without our parents there to handle all of the hard stuff.

My parents and some parents have trained their kids on how to do certain adulting things, like manage finances, etc., but I have discovered thru talking to other Aspies that not every parent has taught and trained their kids as well as mine did (and they had no idea at the time that I was an Aspie). Or, the parents tried to teach these skills, but the kids were not interested in learning or ready to learn until an older age and by then the parents had given up trying to teach these skills to their kids. These Aspies lack the skills and confidence to tackle the task of moving out and living on their own. Their non Aspie siblings may have had the same teaching or lack thereof and been able to move out just fine because their social skills gave them more confidence to make up for the lack of life skills and they were able to read social cues that Aspies would have missed and they were able to push thru until they succeeded. Aspies need the life skills taught to them because we don't have the natural social skills that others have.

When you have no confidence in yourself and you look at a huge task in front of you, you can get overwhelmed very easily and give up on ever being able to accomplish the task, but if you have a step by step plan to follow, that task will look a lot less daunting and the task can be accomplished and the mountain conquered one little step at a time.

So, here are some things that I have come up with that will help you be prepared for moving out on your own and becoming independent from your parents.

Make sure that you have a steady job/income. You will need this in order to accomplish anything on your own.

Make a budget that includes everything that you need to spend money on and make sure that you have savings for emergencies. Living alone has lots of little expenses that happen every single month.

Start building your credit score. My mom helped me get started with this because she already knew, from watching me, that I would be very responsible with any credit card and money. After a while she removed her name from the credit card and that got me started on the road to building my credit score on my own and it has turned out wonderfully for me. If you are not already responsible with your money, you will have trouble finding people willing to help you by co-signing any type of loan with you, so learn to be responsible with your money ASAP. There are also ways available that allow you to build your credit without a co-signer.

Find out from your budget what you can afford in rent/mortgage and determine if you can live alone or if you will need to find a roommate. Also, included in this, furnishings for where you will live, what things do you already have, what will be provided by the landlord, what will you need to buy once you are moved in, etc.

Also, some may need to learn to "budget" their time. Aspies have needs for quiet time to recoup from social things and it can get overwhelming if we don't make sure that our priorities are in order. If we aren't careful, we can get to where we aren't prioritizing the right things and work and other important things can get pushed out of order and our lives will fall apart very quickly if we let things in life push us to burnout. Income is very necessary for being independent, so that needs to be at the top of the priority list. If social stuff gets too overwhelming and pushing you towards burnout, make sure that you are cutting the right things out of your schedule and that you still have what is important, like steady income. If things at your job are what is pushing you to burnout, determine what the root cause is and find a job that doesn't have those triggers before you quit your job, so that your income will not be affected.

Have people that you can call on for help and advice. When I moved out on my own, I was over a thousand miles away from my parents, but if I ever needed their advice, they were just a phone call away. They helped me with answers to all the little questions that I had and now I don't have to call them nearly as often for that anymore, but they are still there if and when I ever need them.

I may have missed a few things, but this should definitely get you on the road to independence and living on your own. You can do it because myself and other Aspies have done it already and we are rooting for you.