Aspie Quiz and How to be a Good Friend to an Aspie

For those of you who have been reading my stuff and are wondering if you might be an Aspie as well, here is the link to a test that might help you figure it out. This is the first Aspergers test that I took, and it set me on the road of self-discovery. In fact, one of my coworkers at the time helped me take the test by reading the questions to me and logging in my answers and she knew me well enough that she probably answered half of them for me and was correct, which shows how well my coworkers can get to know me.

Aspergers Adult AQ Test Quiz Online: Autism Spectrum Quotient (aspergerstest.net)

Someone who has been reading my posts, asked me a question that I thought would make a good topic for a post. She wanted to know how best to be a friend and how to treat me. It gave me a lot to think about and this isn't the first time a similar question has been asked of me.

I guess my answer is treat us like normal people but be understanding of our differences. We likely won't be the ones coming to you unless we already have a solid friendship or if we need to talk to you about something specific. So, if you want to get to know me, seek me out at a time when I am not overwhelmed with busyness around me. Starting online or via text is also good because it gives me time to adjust to someone new getting to know me.

Be understanding that we won't always be in the best head space and that may have nothing whatsoever to do with you. We might have just come out of something that took more brain energy than we were prepared for, or we are bracing ourselves for something that we know is coming, or the current surroundings are overwhelming our senses, or our mind is busy trying to figure out a situation or conversation that we were just in.

Don't try to push us to do things that we aren't comfortable doing. We know our limits better than anyone else and believe me, we try our best and sometimes it just isn't worth it. I have had people tell me that I should just put myself out there and it will get easier with time. They are not the ones living in my head, so they really don't understand that I have tried this stuff for years and it really does not get easier with time. If anything, it makes me want to run away and hide. It also wears me out, physically and emotionally. Trying to be the one to take the first step to talk to a new person is a nerve-racking situation and we never know what to expect or what to do, especially if the person has been a member of the same church for several years, but our paths have never crossed long enough to get to know that person. I have no idea if those people even want to get to know me or if they would rather spend their time with someone else that they are close friends with. My struggle with reading social cues is the biggest factor in trying to get to know new people. If I can't read social cues adequately, then I struggle to know what to do and how to act with new people.

I have learned to know my limits when it comes to getting involved in different ministries, because once I am in, I find it nearly impossible to get out when I get overwhelmed. It is easier to say "no" upfront and have them search for help elsewhere, than for me to say "yes" and then feel like I am personally responsible to find a replacement later on when the responsibility gets too much for me to handle. The ministries that I am currently involved in are ones that I love and have meaning to me. I serve specific people in specific ways so that they can in turn serve others with their gifts. These people will also be very understanding if for some reason down the road I get overwhelmed and need a break. I also have ministries that will get easier over time as the kids grow up and are able to do more on their own without direct supervision. When that happens, I will probably find another young family and start with them while maintaining friendships with all the other kids as they grow up, like I am already doing.

Try to schedule things that we can plan for in advance. Last minutes changes of plans can be very overwhelming. If there is a set time and day of the week that something is likely to happen, it is easier to plan for it and if those plans end up not happening occasionally, we are okay with that because that means more time for ourselves for self-care. We are actually better able to adapt to cancelled plans than last minute new plans. I can always find something to do at home to relax if the plans that I had with friends get cancelled.

Be considerate about the things happening around us in public when scheduling activities together with us. Sensory overload can come in many forms and may have nothing to do with you. It can also hit us suddenly and we can go from okay to overwhelmed in almost no time flat, depending on the circumstances. It could be the music in the building is too loud or the group on the other side of the room is too loud or maybe there is just too many people in the place and claustrophobia is setting in, or any number of other factors. We are all different and are impacted by different things around us and sometimes what impacts us changes day to day, depending on our mental state. Even we can't predict what will overwhelm us day to day, so we have a lot to prepare for and deal with and having friends who are willing and able to help us deal with this means a lot to us.